This past Friday, there was no blog post for a few reasons- the biggest being that I was in Island Park hosting the Michelle and Meghan Retreat! Even if I would have wanted to blog, there was no time and very, very slow internet. Now that it has come and gone (a recap to it is coming on Wednesday!!) it is time to get back to business and focus on other things. I’ve been bursting at the seams with excitement for this month’s edition of matters of marriage. For the retreat, Meghan and I read the book Daring Greatly by Brené Brown and there was a story in there that really struck me as something that needed to be addressed as a topic that involves marriage and loving your spouse. She writes about what happens when your child first walks into the room and what your reaction is. Consider that. What is your reaction when your spouse or children first walk into the room? Does your face light up? She goes on to share this experience that another woman had in this situation. When her children were first walking into the room, she was checking to make sure their clothes were on right, their hair was combed nicely, shoes were tied tight, socks matched, etc. When you do that, it is not a face filled with joy and love; it is a face filled with criticism.
We don’t have children and so I can’t speak as a mother, but I can speak as a wife. I know that I personally have done this. My face has been one of scrutiny and observation instead of happiness when Logan has walked into a room. This has happened when he was getting ready for school or work and walks into the office or to wherever I am. Instead of my first reaction being that I’m excited to see them and for them to come chat with me, I have questioned, “are you really going to wear that?” If not that question, I’ve made little remarks in regards to the fit of the outfit, hair, scruff, etc., as the first thing instead of smiling and saying hello! That first reaction you have to your spouse or children could be something that lets them know that they are enough and that they are loved. Brené finished off by sharing that this does not mean that you cannot help them fix their shoes or help them see that being the green machine or purple people eater (Logan has dressed in all purple once in public and teases me that he will go out in all green one day) might not be the best idea. Choose to share a smile or an I love you, before chatting with them about the things that could possibly be a little off.
That first reaction matters. It can set a tone and mood for the rest of the day. If you are constantly making observations about your children or spouse as soon as they walk into a room, don’t you think that it could be something that affects their confidence and self-esteem? I think so!! To constantly be picked at, we are going to feel that we are not capable of dressing ourselves in a proper way, making decisions, or whatever it may be. We should all want to instill greater confidence in our spouses. We want them to be their very best self. Like I said before, I struggled with this early on in our marriage and I wish I could take it back, but I can’t. Logan and I have chatted about it and I have apologized for making those kind of remarks first instead of being happy each time I saw him. I’ve committed myself to not being that way again- I always want my face to show him that I love him and that he is enough, just the way he is!! Consider how you react to your spouse each time they walk into a room and join me in committing to try to be better at showing them they are loved.
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