I think that I’m going to really look forward to the last Monday of every month because that is when I get to share things that are on my heart and mind most about marriage. These posts will be filled with challenges, thoughts, ideas, and hopefully things that inspire you and others to push forward in marriages and strive to make them the best that they can be.
As Logan and I chatted about what our topic and post should be about this month, we talked about different things that we have strived to change in the past 6 months to make our marriage more intentional and meaningful. And today’s post is all about one big thing that we have not only seen in our own marriages, but we constantly hear about and see it everywhere.
Do you two have any “routines” or habits of things you always do? Logan and I have tried to get into a new routine over that past 4 months after we noticed we were getting into a terrible habit… We would plug our phones in to charge right next to our beds, turn the lights off, and instead of snuggling up or having pillow talk, we would reach back over and grab our phones to mindlessly scroll through Facebook (his personal go too) and Instagram (my go too). Then I realized how awful it was one night as we laid in bed right next to each other after a day of being apart with our faces to our phones scrolling. I’m really not proud of knowing that I was wasting time that I have with Logan scrolling through Instagram to see what someone else’s “perfect life” looks like while I ignored my husband. However, I know that we are not the only ones who are guilty of this. Let’s be honest, probably most couples have done this at least once.
The second example of using phones instead of being in the moment and connecting with each other is when you are eating, especially when you are on a date. How often do you go out to dinner and look over to see a couple at a table and both of them are looking down at their phones? We have seen it more and more each time we go out. We are totally guilty of this. We would go out to dinner and I would check Instagram or Facebook, because something really important must be happening on those feeds right? Wrong. Instead of filling our Facebook and Instagram feeds with pictures of our food we are eating, maybe we should be filling that table with good conversation with each other.
When we started realizing these negative patterns in our marriage, we strived to find ways to improve them and get back to having conversations and spending really good, intentional time together. Here’s what we came up with- don’t plug your phone in right next to your bed. It does not need to be the last thing you see at night or the first thing you see in the morning. Make it far enough away that you have to get out of bed to get too. Plus, that makes it so you have to get out of bed to turn off your alarm to help you wake up, we are killing two birds with one stone with that one. Spend that time at night having pillow talk where you focus on really listening to each other.
To combat the desire to check your phone, don’t bring it to the table or leave it in the car if you are our to dinner. We have found that leaving it in the car or in another room is always the best reminder of what is really important. At dinner, remember the conversations you used to have as you were dating and it seemed like you could talk for hours? Maybe you should try to find ways to get back to that by even maybe asking those same questions. More ideas of what to talk about at night and over dinner- Ask each other questions about how their day went, what could have gone better, what did they do well that day or reflect on goals and things you would like to accomplish!
Join in our challenge for the month by taking a day to be conscious of when you are choosing your phone over your spouse. Maybe for you it is at a different time, but find ways to overcome those. And if you struggle with dinner time and at night, try moving your charger for your phone to be a little farther away and try to keep your phone in a different room for one meal this week!
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