If you are just tuning into our blog, the “Impressions” series is all about our love story.It’s about some of those”pivotal” moments in our relationship, the first kiss, meeting the family, and the first I love yous. We also have added in some of our favorite memories, those ones we never want to forget about, even when we are old and with grey hair, holding hands on our front porch swing. Follow along with us from the beginning with these links-
Kidney Stones and Chocolate Shoes (this one is really important for the proposal story, read this and come back to here!)
After that first I love you, everything fell into place quickly. As the middle of August started to creep in, I knew that I needed Logan in my life forever, not as a boyfriend, but as my companion and husband. Each and every time I was with him, I was reminded of the ways my life had changed and I had grown. He was shaping me into the kind of person I hoped to be and I could only hope he would want to stay in my life forever too. During one of our many dates during the week, I looked at him in the eyes and boldly asked, “Can you see yourself marrying me?” The fear in my heart crept in slowly as the seconds passed until he looked to me and said, “You are my best friend, of course I can.” In the next few weeks, our date was set, February 23, 2013. That same day, Logan held my hand and said, “I’m going to propose when I feel like it’s best. You can start wedding planning not “engaged,” but I want this to be a surprise.” My head began to fill with worries and thoughts of Logan proposing in January 2013, giving people the wrong idea about our wedding, Logan took the time to reassure me, he would propose before December.
From then on, before each date we went on, I spent plenty of time in front of the bathroom mirror, just in case it happened that night. Days passed, weeks went by, and months passed, until the last week of November was here. Somehow, Logan managed to plan a date with me almost every night that week. In my mind, I knew exactly how he was going to propose every night, and each night I went home without that ring on my finger. And finally on November 28th (after our third date of the week), my heart couldn’t take it anymore. I broke down and tears streaked down my cheeks. My mind was certain that the proposal would happen at 11:59pm on November 30th, except it couldn’t. My work schedule for November 3oth was a floorset change at American Eagle and I would have to be there all night into the early morning hours. I “gently” nudged at him and reminded him about my work schedule and that I didn’t want the proposal to happen right before I left for work. And then furiously apologized, because I knew must have ruined his whole plan. He responded with a short, frustrated, “Well, I’m sorry you didn’t want me to propose then. That did have to do with my plan, now I can’t pull it all together for tomorrow. It’s going to have to happen in December now.” I could feel the ache I caused him. This was our first “argument,” and it was over when he would propose to me. I caused our first argument and tears continued to fall until I was asleep.
The next day, November 29th, Logan frustration towards me was still real. I only got one short text message that morning from him. My day was supposed to be filled meeting with our decorator and other wedding plans, but my heart wasn’t in it, not really. As I picked out centerpieces and linens, my heart was heavy, I’d ruined all of Logan’s planning. During our drive home from the decorator, I relayed the story to my mom and cried again. I was the worst girlfriend ever.
Soon after being home, still not hearing anything else from Logan, my phone began ringing… it was his mom. Her voice was panicked as she gave me the news that Logan was in the hospital with a worse case of kidney stones. I instantly knew that meant he would be having surgery. I was mad dashing around the house, pulling things together to stay the night in the hospital with him. And as I opened the car door, the tears came again. Not only had I ruined his plan, but now he was in a lot of pain, and he hadn’t even been the one to tell me. I picked up the phone and tried Logan’s number. The ringing continued and continued, until the voicemail came through. With my phone out, I quickly called my mom to let her know I was leaving for the hospital.
My mind was reeling and I was driving to Rexburg faster than I ever had. I had to see him. He couldn’t go into surgery without me seeing him. Walking into Madison Memorial, my footsteps were hurried and my breath was short. Tears were threatening to fall again as I asked the nurses desk what room I could find Logan in. I stepped into the elevator and with shaky hands pressed for floor 2. I walked through the halls in a daze, searching out room 2005. And then it was right in front of me, I could hear Tami talking to Paul about how he was doing. My nerves started again, oh I hate hospitals. I pushed the door open and without acknowledging his sister or mom, walked straight to him, found his hand, and held on. There he was in a hospital bed, drugged up because of pain and here I was feeling those initial feelings of I can’t live without him that I felt in the hospital the first time he was there…